Speaking from the Texan University of Dumbsville, he said: 'We took a cheese sandwich, and threw it into the Channel, and it floated south west for 20 yards before sinking, thus scientifically proving that the invasion began days earlier than has been believed for hundreds of years.' And fellow professor Nat Enquirer added: 'In fact the Romans invaded lands all across Europe and North Africa, but only when it was sunny and the waves weren't too high, and as long as they had suncream on.'