In Actis Diurnis hodie nuntiamus, O Quirites, scholas Britannicas nostras, praecipue in Mediis Terris Occidentalibus Brummi et Urbis Luporum, linguam Latinam docere velle, sed magistros eius studii deesse. (We report that schools in Birmingham and Wolverhampton want to teach Latin, but cannot find teachers.) O Tempora, O Mores! (good grief!) Quod di omen avertant! (Heaven forbid!). Nam Internexus www magister et facundissimus et novissimus praestat. (Yet, the Internet has emerged as the latest and most persuasive tutor, which can teach thousands for every single pupil flogged into Latin by Orbilius.) Cursus Cantabriensis Latinus viget. (The Cambridge Latin Course is brilliant.) Id quod est praestantissimum maximeque optabile omnibus sanis et bonis et beatis in Mediis Terris Occidentalibus, cum dignitate otium et lingua Latina. (The best treasure for all upstanding citizens of the West Midlands is respect and a knowledge of Latin literature).

We also report today a further reason for studying Latin. A Mafia gangster is leaving coded messages in Latin. Latin as the secret language for crazed lovers of The Da Vinci Code?

The elitist reason for studying the Classics, as preached by a Dean of Christ Church, namely: “It not only elevates above the vulgar herd, but leads not infrequently to positions of considerable emolument”, is dead. But Latin is still a bedrock of English and the inspiration of a surprise Christmas bestseller, Amo, Amas, Amat. More than 70 per cent of our words are derived from Latin. It opens the window into the secret garden of Milton and Shakespeare and Virgil and Horace. Et prodesse volunt et delectare magistri. (Brummi teachers would offer delight and advantage.)