"Iste canis XXIV/VII/CCCLXV pedet," queritur pater.

"Non est potens sui, Tata," Betty Billyque aiunt, quibus nil interest si Walter pedat.

"Parvi refert si interdum ventum emittat," Billy dixit cum soli in suo conclavi cum Waltero congressi essent.

Betty quoque dixit caninos crepitus nullum negotium sibi praebere. Walter eiusdem scilicet animi innocens circumspiciebat, dum spatium suo odore subinde implebat.

Note to readers: You will not find the above included in the course material of any university classics department.

There's the small matter of Walter and his special gift, for one. If Walter Canis Inflatus figured as a key character in Virgil's Aeneid, there's a good chance Troy might never have been sacked by the Greeks. And you'd have to rewrite the whole damn story after that.

Still, you have to admit: Even the domestic travails of Walter the Farting Dog take on a certain epic quality once rendered in Latin. It's just not the same when, in the English version of the children's blockbuster, Walter's flatulence drives would-be robbers from the family home. Where's the gravitas in that?

But translate Walter into Latin, as the mutt's publisher has done, and poof, he's transformed.

"It's a highbrow, but quirky, interesting thing to do," says Lindy Hough, co-publisher and editorial director at California's Frog, Ltd., which has sold more than a million copies of the original English version.

"We thought it was worth doing, partly because Latin shouldn't die out as a language that people study."

Hough, who took Latin in high school and college, figures people remain curious about the ancient tongue.

"So when you see a book that combines something tremendously contemporary, like this story or its language, and you see Latin, which is this classical, beautiful language, it's kind of a lovely combination."

It also elevates Walter into a fairly select group of beloved children's books that have, in the last few years, been translated into Latin. So, if you've been pining for Harrius Potter et Philosophi Lapis, pine no more.

Ditto Cattus Petasatus and Quomodo Invidiosulus Nomine Grinchus Christi Natalem Abrogaverit (As in, hats, cats and Grinch).

But why would anyone want to re-read these classics in Latin?

"People with a smattering of Latin may get a kick out of seeing something that's familiar in a different sort of way," speculates Michael Dewar, a professor in the classics department at the University of Toronto. "Some people may enjoy the intellectual challenge."

Throw in quirky stocking stuffers and birthday gifts, and you've got at least the makings of a small market. In the past two years, Frog has shipped more than 8,000 copies of Walter Canis Inflatus.

That may be a tiny fraction of the English-language sales, but "there are many books you'd die to sell that many copies of," says Mark Ouimet, associate publisher at Frog.

As it happens, there's a long history of translating famous children's books into Latin, starting with Winnie Ille Pu in 1960.

That was soon followed by Lewis Carroll's Alicia in Terra Mirabili.

"When it all began, it was diplomats amusing themselves," says Dewar.

But it seems to have picked up steam lately, a trend that may coincide with a revival of the classics, proper.

How many people actually plough through these books — as opposed to admiring them on their bookshelves or in the washroom magazine rack — is hard to tell.

Happily (for him), Dewar does know this: Student interest in the classics has also picked up markedly in the past few years.

At U of T, for instance, about 400 students are doing at least a minor in classic civilization. That's up from only 100 in 1997, the year that Dewar joined the faculty.

"People are more open-minded about classics than they were 20 years ago," says Dewar.

He suspects that, ironically, Latin's removal from the list of compulsory high school subjects may have piqued post-secondary interest, since students no longer rank Latin along with cod-liver oil as something to be unwillingly endured.

And while the translations of children's books may not always rank up there with Virgil, at least they might help novice readers of the language gain more confidence.

"It is also good for us in that it reminds people Latin is a language," says Dewar.

"You can actually express anything in Latin, because it's a real language."

Then again, having given poor Walter some deserved dignity, it might still be best to draw the line at Latin novelizations of Beavis and Butthead.