Q. If "septimus" is Latin for seventh, why is September our ninth month? Also, can I assume that July comes from Julius?

A. If Nero were alive (and not engaged in some orgy), he'd probably say, "Oh, you Americans just think the world revolves around you."

It wasn't that way three millennia ago, when most roads led to Rome. So, when Romulus devised the first Roman calendar in about 750 B.C., he did things his way. Instead of beginning his year in the dead of winter as we do, he decided to start it when the flowers bloomed and the swallows flew back from Capistrano -- or wherever they returned from back then.

In other words, since spring marked a symbolic return of life, it should also mark the start of a new year. As a result, the first month in his year was Martius (i.e., March after Mars, the god of war) followed by Aprilis (perhaps for Aphrodite), Maius (for Maia) and Junius (for Juno).

But Romulus apparently was a man of limited imagination, so he simply named the rest of his months after numbers. Hence, his year wrapped up with Quintilis and Sextilis followed by the more familiar September, October (eighth) November (ninth) and December (10th). So, at one time, September was indeed the seventh month of the year, and everything was quite logical in the Land of Calendars.

It didn't last long. Romulus' 10-month calendar had one minor flaw -- it had only about 304 days. The rest of the year was just kind of a blur until spring started again. So, sometime between 715-673 B.C. King Numa Pompilius not only added Januarius and Februarius to the calendar but also moved the start of the year back to Januarius.

In one way, it made sense, since the two-headed god Janus, for which it is named, could look back at the old year and ahead to the new. But, as you've noticed, it also knocked the numbered months completely out of kilter; September had become the ninth month.

Perhaps whacked out after too many Saturnalias, the Romans didn't seem to care. Except for Julius Caesar renaming Quintilis after himself (July) and Augustus Caesar doing the same for Sextilis, the names of the months have remained the same ever since.