Qui totum vult, totum perdit.
(Anonymous, Seneca; Grynaeus 776; Peter Alfonsi 28.3)

The one who wants the whole thing loses it all.

(pron = kwee TOH-toom woolt TOH-toom PEHR-dit)

Comment: First, I must note that this proverb is attributed to several authors
from the classical period (Seneca) into the Christian period, both Catholic and
Protestant. This is not a huge surprise as Stoic material (if this is Seneca's)
often was "borrowed" by later Christian authors.

This simple proverb is powerful. When I seek to control the whole of anything,
in the seeking itself, I lose. Whatever the thing is (worst should it be a
person) my desire to control, that is, to subjet the thing/person to the
dictates of my ideas, places limits on it/him/her that become death and loss.

Living things must move, must breathe, must change. When moving, breathing and
changing cease, so has life. All is lost. Oddly, then, the best way to have a
thing (enjoy, relate to, commune with) is to let it be, honor it, accept it as
it is and let it go.

I remember once realizing that the gorgeous sunset over the beach in the Gulf of
Mexico was gone after I spent the few minutes that it was available fumbling
with my camera. I was going to capture that sunset so that I could "own" it
"forever". Not only were my photos a very sad representation of that gorgeous
moment, but I did not get to enjoy the moment itself.

In the last two days, I have had some powerful conversations with adults who are
the parents of growing and grown children. We found common experiences: while
we all go through difficult times with our children, a major component in what
makes them difficult for us is our attempt to control our children's
experiences. And commonly, the degree to which we persist in that effort, we
lose.