Commune naufragium omnibus est consolatio.

A shipwreck that is common to everyone is a comfort.
A common shipwreck is a comfort to everyone.

(Anonymous)

(pron = cohm-MOO-neh now-FRAH-ghee-oom OHM-nih-boos ehst cohn-soh-LAH-tee-oh)

Comment: Misery loves company, too. I can verify in my own experience this
proverb. When I am caught in a shipwreck of some sort, it is comforting to
find that there are others so desperate and confused as I. Why is that? I can
only make sense of that against a backdrop of judgment.

It stands to reason that if I am caught in a bad situation and am suffering for
it, I would want to find that no other human being was suffering like this,
also. In our American culture, however, always playing in the background is
this "ethic" known as the Protestant/Puritan work ethic which has been coated
with a healthy covery of Calvinism which says that if I am in a bad situation
it is finally, somehow, my fault. I have either been irresponsible on some
level, not worked hard enough on another, or am simply manifesting the overt
evidence of my destiny to be damned. In any case, I ought to be ashamed of my
misfortune. The short version: if something bad happens to me it is because I
AM bad, and everyone who is not caught in my little boat of misery is good--or
at least not as bad.

So, to find others susffering as I am means that there are at least a few others
who have been just as irresponsible, just as lazy, or just as damned as I. I am
not alone. I may be bad, but I am not alone. I need others to suffer, in other
words, so that my suffering doesn't seem so bad.

Or, I could drop the judgment--refuse to accept it as a real view of the world
anymore. Then, when my ship wrecks it will be because I didn't see the rock
underneath the water,or because I still do not control the weather. It will be
what has happened in my life. I will be better able to ask for help from those
on shore or those in passing boats. And I won't need others to suffer so that
I can feel better. I might just need others to offer a helping hand. No
shame. Just help.