Adulatio quam similis est amicicitiae.
(Seneca, Epistulae Morales 45.7)

How similar is flattery to friendship!

(Pron = ah-doo-LAH-tee-oh kwam SIH-mih-lis ehst ah-mih-KEE-tee-ai)

Comment: I was taught very early to seek the approval of those around me,
especially the adults around me. I am confident that I am not alone in this
unfortunate dimension of my development. It meant that my only sense of self
came from outside of me, and that I had, for a long time, a difficult time with
any internal locus, little sense of a center.

This unfortunate dimension of human development (when we perpetuate it on our
children) will mean, sooner or later, that we must "find ourselves". Those who
make fun of this dimension, that is, "finding myself" are those who either have
not yet ever found themselves, or who had a fairly easy time of it. For some
of us, finding ourselves is/was hell, and we often re-visit hell as an annual
retreat!

It is a worthwhile hell, though, this business of finding oneself. Without it,
every relationship, every friendship will be narcissistic. That is, every
other human encounter will only be the unformed, centerless self looking for a
mirror that will reflect back a pretty image. Every relationship will be a
quest for flattery. And that quest will produce a host of flatterers who can
only maintain the practice for so long.

A real friend will be one of those many others who become mirrors to us.
Finally, I am convinced that the whole universe can act like a mirror. Real
friends show us who we really are, and if we have found ourselves (or are at
least on the way), it's nice to have friends who stick around while we deal
with what we see!