Qui capit uxorem, litem capit atque dolorem.
(Medieval)

He who takes a wife takes on trouble and pain.

(pron = kwee KAH-pit ook-SOH-rem LEE-tem KAH-pit AHT-kwuh doh-LOH-rem)

Comment: Well, it’s true—insofar as it goes. And, she who takes a husband gets
the same load of trouble and pain. I suspect that times were difficult enough
in the middle ages that it seemed sort of pointless to finish that taking a
wife or husband also meant taking on some significantly positive life-changers,
too.

I exchanged emails with a younger male friend once. He was very bitter over a
recent break up with his girlfriend. His language was very strong and in most
contexts was approaching misogynistic. All of the pain in his life could be
blamed on the carelessness of girls and how they left their boyfriends with
gaping wounds, thinking only of themselves.

They had been together for a long time. I asked him to consider whether his
life was not somehow very different (in positive ways) because of this
relationship with this young woman. Rather than answer the question, he
accused me of never having suffered because of a relationship. What I said to
him then is really how I see this proverb. I said:

“Why do you conclude that I do not know anything about what you speak of? Can
you imagine that at 45 and 23 years of marriage and parenting (not to mention
that I had other relationships before that) that I have never experienced
heartbreak?

I value very much experience with people, watching, listening, feeling,
reflecting. I do not find that they leave me intolerant, but more tolerant.
Being in relationships simply breaks your heart. It's supposed to. But broken
hearts are not all bad.”

Granted, broken hearts hurt like hell, and they do drive some people to ultimate
despair, but living, working, breathing relationships of all kinds, and perhaps
especially marriage relationships, do break your heart. Out of the midst of a
broken heart—the brokenness of things not working out as you had expected,
hoped, dreamed, etc comes the possibility of seeing more clearly, and really,
loving more honestly. Out of a broken heart, I have the possibility of loving
who I really am, and who the other person really is—not just a projection of my
expectations.