A sidebarish thing from the Scotsman, apparently accompanying something about the BBC's Rome series (skip 's' if you're easily offended):

A for AQUEDUCT. "Greater than the Pyramids" was how the Roman writer, Frontinus, described the water system of ancient Rome, and it was all based on aqueducts that brought water into the city from as far as 100km away. None of Rome's extraordinary achievements would have been possible without them.

B for BELLONA. As well as Mars, the god of war, Romans also had a goddess of war. Bellona represented the bloodlust that came over Roman soldiers in battle and helped them to their great victories. Priests of Bellona gashed their arms open with special knives during sacrifices to her.

C for CZAR, which like "shah" and "kaiser" is a term meaning "absolute ruler", derived from the word "Caesar".

D for DOG. The punishment for patricide (killing your father) was to be tied up in a sack with a wild dog, a live monkey, a snake and a cockerel, and be thrown into the River Tiber.

E for ESQUILINE. Rome was famously built on seven hills. As well as the Esquiline, there were the Palatine, the Aventine, the Caelian, the Capitoline, the Quirinal and the Viminal. Handy to know for the final round of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

F for FASCES. The fasces were a bunch of bound wooden sticks carried by men called lictors who escorted important politicians in public. They symbolised the politician's authority. The word fascism is derived from them.

G for the GRACCHI BROTHERS. Two brothers, Gaius and Tiberius, who campaigned for the rights of ordinary Romans, upset the status quo, frightened the establishment and were assassinated for their pains. For good measure one of them was decapitated and had his skull filled with lead. Jack and Bobby Kennedy might have done well to study them more closely.

H for HUMAN SACRIFICE. This was practised by the Romans in times of acute stress, such as war. It involved the burial of slaves beneath the Forum.

I for INSULA, the Latin word for an island, but also for an apartment block, and the kind of accommodation in which the majority of Romans lived. Insulas ranged from the swankiest condominium on the Palatine Hill to the poorest, seven-storey tenements in the notorious Roman slum, the Subura.

J for JUPITER, the king of all the Roman gods - and someone to have on your side. His temple on the Capitoline Hill was the most important in Rome. So important that he was known by his initials alone, JOM, standing for Jupiter Optimus Maximus (Jupiter, Biggest and Best).

K for KALENDS. The Romans had three set days in every month: the Kalends, which fell on the first day of the month; the Nones, which normally fell on the seventh day; and the Ides, usually on the 15th. Other dates were counted backwards from these days. So, what we would call the 12th of the month the Romans would call "three days before the Ides".

L for LIQUAMEN. One of the most popular ingredients in Roman cooking was a fish sauce called liquamen, boiled down from the salted entrails of anchovies or small fish. Worcestershire Sauce is a direct descendant.

M for MILLION, which was the estimated population of Rome at the time of the birth of Christ. This made Rome the most populous city of the ancient world. No city in the West would again reach such a size for nearly 1,800 years.

N for NICOMEDES. It was a diplomatic mission to an Asian king called Nicomedes that was the making of an ambitious teenaged politician called Gaius Julius Caesar. Rumours that Caesar's "diplomatic outreach" had included offering Nicomedes his anal virginity were to dog him all his life.

O for OXYRHYNCHUS, an obscure town in Egypt, it was the site of one of the most significant finds in archaeological history. A rubbish tip at its edge contained thousands of fragments preserved by the dryness of the desert, including everything from private letters to contracts for rental slaves. They offer a unique insight into the everyday life of what was then a Roman province.

P for PLUTO... and his lady, Proserpina. Pluto, the god of the underworld, was viewed as a fierce and cruel god who ignored prayers and neglected sacrifices. He kidnapped Proserpina and took her into his realm as the queen of the dead. Quite a charmer.

Q for QUAESTOR. Any Roman male with money, family and ambition dreamed of political office. There was a strict ladder to climb before you could reach the ultimate of Consul, or head of state. The first rung was Quaestor - an administrative and financial post. In Rome nobody could be anybody important without being a Quaestor first.

R is for RAPE OF THE SABINES. At an early stage of their history the Romans realised they had a serious problem: there were many Roman men, but hardly any Roman women. They solved the problem by sending an armed gang to a neighbouring tribe called the Sabines and stealing all of theirs. The theft became known as "the Rape of the Sabines".

S is for SHIT-HOLE. The orator Cicero is celebrated for his fine phrases but could sometimes be rather blunt. In a letter to a friend he described Rome as "the shit-hole of Romulus". (Romulus was the legendary founder of the city).

T is for TEPIDARIUM. The most popular of all Roman leisure pastimes was visiting the baths. There were 170 in Rome at the time of the Emperor Augustus, and by the end of the Empire, more than 900. On the Goldilocks principle most baths had three main rooms: the calidarium, which was too hot; the frigidarium, too cold; and the tepidarium, just right.

U is for UNDERTAKER. Owing to their understanding of human anatomy through plying their trade, undertakers frequently moonlighted as torturers - and they were in constant demand. Evidence obtained from a slave in a court case, for example, was only admissible if the slave had been tortured first.

V is for VISIGOTHS, who, under the leadership of their commander, Alaric, sacked the city of Rome in 410AD, signalling the collapse of the Western Roman Empire.

W is for WOLF, or more strictly, she-wolf. Remus and his brother, Romulus, the legendary founders of Rome, were suckled and saved by a she-wolf after being rescued from the Tiber. A famous bronze statue of the wolf is on display in the Capitoline Museum in Rome.

X is for XULSIGIAE, a group of Celtic gods linked to the worship of Mars, the Roman god of war. In terms of importance they rank between negligible and zero, but there aren't that many X's to choose from.

Y is for the letter Y, which did not feature in the original Latin alphabet. As time went on, the Roman's "imported" the letters Y, K and Z into their alphabet, for use in words which were borrowed from ancient Greek. This brought the number of letters in the Roman Latin alphabet to 23: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, V, X, Y and Z. The letters J, U and W were added at a later stage, to write languages other than Latin.

Z for ZAMA The battle in North Africa (modern-day Tunisia) in which the Romans finally defeated their arch-rival, Hannibal. More than any event, the defeat of Hannibal and Carthage, the city from which he came, was what opened the door to Rome's eventual domination of the Mediterranean and then the known world.

... the piece continues in a what have the Romans done for us vein ...