I have a weakness for the trash one gets regularly in the Weekly World News and, as it happens, this week's cover story is full of ClassCon. It's not online, so I've actually taken the time to type up some excerpts (I'm waiting for my dog ... he's broken, so we had to get him fixed). In any event, the cover story is about the discovery of a second Noah's ark. According to Professor Adam N. Deeve [snicker], the second ark was piloted by Noah's son Japheth and ended up in the jungles of the Faroe Islands ... Japheth, of course, conveniently carved his name in the ship's hull. Some quotes from Professor Deeve (my comments are in square brackets):

" There was even a massive crow's nest ... We believe this is where a cyclops was stationed, using his great eyesight to watch for dry land. There is a big red 'no' circle with Sinbad written in the center -- pretty conclusive evidence as far as we're concerned. " [hmmm ... I guess that explains how they ended up in the Faroe Islands ... do you really want someone with no depth perception as your lookout?]

" This section appears to be the stables ... We believe this is where Japheth kept unicorns, centaurs and winged horses. There are impressions of very large feathers in the mud that hardened to stone. In the centaur's stall are hoofmarks and extensive damage to what's left of the door. Being half human, the centaurs apparently resented being thrown together with pure equines." [hmmm ... more likely they got drunk and trashed the place, as is their wont]

There was also a level for birds, apparently, including a phoenix ... Dr. Deeve continues:

"As far as we can reconstruct the events, it seems that the phoenix went ballistic and while the crew was putting out the fire, the smoke seeped up through the floorboards and soon reached into the stable, upsetting the horses. The unicorn instinctively rammed his horn through the wall to allow air inside. Unfortunately the stable was below sea level and the ark began to flood."

The article concludes thusly:

"Deeve explained that the last artifact he discovered was the statue of a man in ancient robes. According to historical descriptions, it looks like the son of Noah."
"' We suspect he may have made a wrong turn at some point and wandered into Medusa's cabin,' Deeve said. 'The poor fellow could not have done much after that. This may be the first accident in history caused by a captain who was stoned.'"

If you purchase a copy, the 'Weird Picture Search' also has a Medusa/Perseus theme, by the way ...drawn by Sergio Aragones (remember him from Mad Magazine kiddies?).